If you don’t feel valued by your partner then you’re going to end up feeling hard done by. Feeling valued requires that someone shows they’ve seen your worth and are big enough to tell you this. After that, the onus is on them to prove it by showing you.
So many clients present this in the counselling room, and relationships often end because one of the couple feels they’re not valued by the other. Your partner may tell you you’re loved, but we also need to witness how these terms of endearment play out when it matters most, so we can feel safe and cherished in the relationship.
Any of the following sound familiar? Inconsideration, doesn’t listen to you, rarely make you their priority, angers easily, takes out their frustrations on you, caught out in a lie or have little regard for your boundaries? If you’re nodding your head right now, then chances are you will also be feeling de-valued. Yet it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but it matters you take action by inviting your partner to listen while you tell them how they make you feel, and more importantly that they take it seriously and heed your words.
In every relationship, there will be times when one lets the other down, and it’s important not to make any rash decisions, but ensure you both talk it through or enter into couples therapy if that’s your ‘thing.’ If the love is truly there, you’ll work it out. A good indicator as to the fate of your relationship will be how your partner responds when you bring it up, and their subsequent behaviour towards you.
All a tad dramatic? I disagree. If you are giving out care and love to your partner then you should expect it back. Nothing demolishes a personality more than feeling de-valued.
For more of Marica’s self-help blogs visit www.calderdalecounselling.com