Hello everyone. If our paths have never crossed or you haven’t read my words before, let me introduce myself. I’m Marica. I’m a mum and grandma, proudly Skircoat born and bred and have worked as a clinical psychotherapist and couple’s specialist for over twenty years. I see many clients from my practice in Halifax and I’m hugely enriched to witness people’s strength in times of adversity. Let’s kick off this new year with a subject I often talk about with clients – People Pleasing.
Do you find your mouth saying “YES” when your brain is screaming “NO?”
Do you ever feel responsible for how others are feeling? Find yourself apologising too often and too quickly? Do you take on tasks for others that leaves you exhausted without enough time and energy for your own stuff? Do your friends rely on you to do the ‘sorting’ when you’re fixing up a get-together? Does your family expect far too much from you? Do your work colleagues put on you to ease their own burden?
Perhaps you find it easier to simply give in or neglect to say how you are really feeling in case you’ll be judged by others? You’re not alone; but I can tell you this – being a people pleaser is often more to do with our own self-worth. Often our eagerness to be liked and ‘approved of’ means we can be taken advantage of. It often starts in childhood.
If you want to feel more empowered then start by saying “no” to something simple, and speak out for things you believe in. Deliver it gently and people shouldn’t take offence. Once you’ve said “no” to some of the smaller stuff, refusing the bigger stuff comes easier, and you’ll grow in confidence immensely. It does get easier, believe me. Don’t ever sabotage your own goals and freedom of choice. It’s easy to do and I should know, as I’ve been a People Pleaser for years!
If you’d like to see me tackle an issue of your choosing in the coming months, then send me an email and I will do my best. In the meanwhile, keep smiling good folks. It’s just another day in Paradise!
Marica Binns Psychotherapist CMH Hc. MNCS